My New Joke: "Sexual Objectification"

   It's wrong to sexually objectify women. I don't mean it's wrong ethically, or morally, or spiritually; I mean that it's wrong practically and logically. Let me explain...

  Let's say your out and about and you see this woman and you think to yourself: "Damn, look at that sexy ass! That's the sexiest ass I have ever seen and I would do just about anything to tap that!" And men seriously think this way all the time. Now, just for the sake of illustration, let's say that woman sees you admiring her sexy ass and she walks right up to you and says, "I see you noticed my sexy ass; you wanna fuck?" And you are like "Oh my God, my dreams have come true!" So you go with this woman to a hotel or her place or your place, it doesn't matter. Then you fuck like rabbits, the whole time you are just staring at her body and thinking about how sexy she looks and how lucky you are. Maybe you are so turned on that you do it three or four times before you both pass out into sweet, sweet slumber...

  And when you wake up you are tied to the bed and she is cutting your dick off with a hacksaw, then she pan fries your dick on the stove as you watch, blood spewing from the place where your cock used to be, and finally she brings your cooked cock back over to you and eats it right in front of you.  What about now? Is she still sexy? Unfortunately many men would still answer "yes."

  This is why sexually objectifying women is wrong: Because you have no idea who they really are. You're not just having sex with a "hot piece of ass," you are having sex with a human being made up of all sorts of other things besides "that ass" and unless you take the time to date them first it is not at all safe, in any sense of the word, to have sex with them. Often, even after dating a while, it's still not safe.

  Or perhaps you think my example is too extreme, too far-fetched? Then how about this: You have wonderful sex, with a condom because you are "careful" and because you "respect" her, then the next day you both happily part ways. Then about nine months later she comes to you with a baby that she says is yours and you say, "no way, I used a condom!" And she says, "yes you did, and I took the sperm from that used condom and put it deep inside me with a Turkey Baster and DNA testing will prove that this is your child." Welcome to a life of alimony and child-support payments. I'm not saying women are more evil then men, I'm just trying to illustrate a point.

  But men are just made like that, for some reason. Here's an old joke I learned in San Francisco that is funny and yet true: What is the difference between Gay men and Lesbians? Gay men have glory holes and Lesbians move in with one another after the first date.  You have to have known some gay people to truly appreciate the truth of this joke, but what it illustrates about males is exactly what we are talking about: Men will stick their dick through a hole in a bathroom wall, hoping it will get sucked instead of cut off. That's just how men are.

  But men can also be reasonable, at times, so I have tried to find ways to teach my fellow men this important lesson about Sexual Objectification. A lot of men seem to like cars, so I have the car metaphor. Let's say you see a really nice car on the street, a Lamborghini or Ferrari, or whatever really nice car. You may say to yourself, "I really want to own a car like that," but if you say to yourself, "I really want to be friends with whoever owns that car..." What the fuck are you thinking?! You don't know if they are in the Mafia or if they are a Serial Killer or if they are a cop! You don't know anything about them at all! Just because someone has a nice car does not mean they are a nice person. Usually it means the opposite. And the same goes for nice asses.

  And this metaphor reminds me of a true story, from my own life, that applies to both men and women. My first car was a piece of shit old beat up Ford I bought for $700 from a tow truck yard. Any time I saw a hitchhiker I would offer to pick them up because I have hitchhiked many times in my life and it's the least I could do. But a lot of people would not accept a ride in my beat up old rusty Ford. Oh well. Then one day an aging relative gave me a Mercedes Benz. It was not new and shiny, but it was well kept, and I noticed right away that suddenly hitchhikers couldn't resist a ride in my car.  And I got pretty indignant. I was thinking, "here I am the exact same person that you wouldn't accept a ride from in a beater, but now that I have a Mercedes I am suddenly good enough for you?!"

  People are truly stupid and easily impressed by shiny objects, be they asses or cars, and I'm just not sure that anything I say can change that.