My New Joke: "Serious Student of History"

   I don't know about you, but I am a serious student of history. And I don't mean "television history," or "internet history," I mean real history. The kind that you only find in books or by talking to old people and really listening to them. So I spend a lot of time in Libraries and the only thing I use the internet for is to order books. 

  And when you are a serious student of history, like I am, you discover all sorts of obscure facts about modern life that most people have absolutely no clue about. Like The Illuminati, for example. Did you know that The Illuminati are a secret society that controls the entire world? OK, a lot of people know that. But did you know that The Illuminati is controlled at the highest levels by Royal Bloodlines like The Rothschilds and The Queen of England? OK, maybe you knew that too, but here is the real secret: Did you know that these Bloodlines are all actually interdimensional Reptilians? 

  See, this is the point where most people get real skeptical and say: "Reptile people? That's totally insane, crazy, nuts!" A lot of people are too scared of the idea to even consider it. But not me, I love reptiles! I used to have a big lizard as a pet and he was completely harmless. All he did was sit around all day and eat crickets. I even like snakes. Most of them are beautiful and harmless to humans. Which is kind of my point about Reptilians. Reptiles eat bugs, rats, all kinds of vermin that spread disease... I don't really see the problem with Reptilians ruling the earth.

  I mean, it's not like Spider-People or Cockroach-People! That would be "crazy" and scary. Can you imagine a Giant Cockroach-Human Hybrid race ruling the earth?! Now that is fucking crazy. Like Naked Lunch crazy. I just don't know why the idea of Reptilians is so hard to digest. Spend some time in a Mental Hospital as I have, purely for research you understand, and you will hear what "crazy" people believe and it is not an "organized conspiracy of Reptilians." It's things like "that person in the mirror is trying to rape me in my sleep," and "invisible poisonous microbes are everywhere," and "America is a Constitutional Democracy." Crazy shit like that.

  Because do you know what is crazier than Reptilians or even Cockroach People? The idea that the people who control the earth are the same type of people who created The Nazis, dropped an Atomic Bomb on a civilian population center with no military targets, engineered Pogroms and Genocides of Stalinist Russia, profited by Slavery and incarceration for thousands of years, and are using the N.S.A. to destroy any hope of freedom in the future. 

  That those people are of the same human race that we all are. Because if that's true, it means that we have no idea who our neighbors are. That anybody we know may secretly be a genocidal, homicidal, Hannibal Lecter-class Sociopath... and we would never know...

  So, given the options? I'll take Reptilians any day. At least that makes sense.